Guard My Heart Read online

We have to maneuver over several shallow pools in between the rocks, and at some places, Mia clasps her hands so tight around my arms I swear she’s going to burst a blood vessel. I think the only reason she asked me to jump with her is so I can help her over the slippery rocks. Twice I have to pull her up onto the higher rocks. Did I mention it’s only about ten feet high? When we finally get to the top, Mia looks down and takes a step back, splattering her back against the side of the mountain. I think she thinks if she pushes hard enough she might disappear inside the mountain.

  “Since when are you afraid of heights?” I tease her.

  “I’m not afraid of heights,” she shoots back and takes a step forward, only to immediately step back. “Okay, maybe I’m a little afraid of heights,” she says nervously.

  “Remember the diving board at the community center? This is the same height,” I console her. She’s starting to look pale, and I did not haul her ass all the way up here just too piggyback her back down.

  “Are you sure?” she asks eyeing me suspiciously.

  “Yup, give me your hand and close your eyes,” I tell her.

  She hesitates for a second, her eyes darting between the edge and the way we came up. One thing you should know about my sister is that she’s a sport for anything, and this was her idea, so she will go through with it. She just has to psych herself up first. Mia doesn’t have a lot of faith in herself. She’s constantly pushing herself to do better, crazier, scarier things. It’s as if she has to prove something to herself.

  She places her hand in mine. Her eyes go to mine, and I can see the spark of life in there, the determination to do this spurring her on. I hope nobody ever takes that fight away from her.

  “One, two—”

  Before she can say three, I pull us both forward and leap into the air. Her shriek dies out when we hit the water. She pulls on my arm as she kicks and propels herself to the surface.

  “That was awesome!” she shouts loudly while swatting wet hair out of her face. “Let’s do it again,” she says, not waiting for me to follow. I tread water for a minute while watching some of the guys jump off the higher cliffs. The first jump with Mia was cool. A little bit of a rush, but from their height, your stomach is sure to drop. I swim toward the edge and follow Mia up. This time I don’t have to help her. Her excitement urges her forward all on her own. She looks like some über chimpanzee or some shit as she climbs up the rocky surface.

  When we get to the flat rock, Mia stands at the edge and gives me a sneaky grin. She jumps up into the air and grabs her knees, forming a big ball. I rush to the edge to see her splash into the water. She manages to make quite a big bomb for her tiny frame.

  Her head pops out of the water, and she waves up to me. Christopher is on the ledge above me and shouts for her to move out the way. When I look back down to see if she’s safely out of the way, I catch a glimpse of a figure. It’s a guy, dressed all in black. He’s standing on the hill on the opposite side of the falls, and he is looking straight at me. I look around to see if anybody else sees him, but everybody seems to be busy with their own thing. When I look back to where I saw him, he is gone.

  I scan the entire side of the falls, but the guy is gone. Maybe if I climb higher I can see him.

  “Kyle, are you gonna jump or what?” Mark asks me. His voice startles me. I didn’t even notice there were other people waiting for me to jump so they could go.

  “Nah, you can go. I’m going higher,” I say pointing up with my thumb.

  Sticking to my last minute decision, I grab hold of the ledge above me and pull myself up. I look over to the other side of the pool and still nothing, no guy in sight. In fact, the entire right side of that hill is devoid of movement. There’s another ledge a few feet above me. The same ledge Christopher jumped from a few minutes earlier. It’s higher than I would’ve liked, but if Christopher can do it, so can I. Besides, it’s the highest point, and if I can’t see the mysterious dude from there, then I will have to walk to the other side.

  When I finally get to the top, my legs are cramping and I sit down, heaving for air. I’ve got some scratches on my palms from the sharp rocks, and I understand why Christopher only made this jump once. It’s a full-body workout getting up here. Still sitting, I shade my eyes and look over the world below me. Jenna is standing, watching me with a worried look on her face. I blow her a kiss and she smiles. Her smile is a bit wobbly, and I flash her a reassuring grin. I’m not sure if she can see it being so far away from me. But she looks down and shakes her head lightly. A telltale sign that’s she’s blushing. She always tries to hide it by tucking her head down. I stand up and look down into the pool of water easily twenty feet below me. Mia is still down there looking up at me. She shakes her head.

  “You are crazy, Kyle Andrews! Get down before you break your neck!” she shouts.

  I laugh and shake my own head. A black blur draws my eye to the right on the opposite embankment. It’s the guy, the same one from earlier. He is running down the hill and toward the edge across from me. He waves my black backpack at me. The bag I left in my room. I open my mouth to call out to him, but my voice dies in my throat. I can’t see his face because he’s wearing a cap, but I know who that is. Fuck.

  They say your life flashes before your eyes before you die. You see everything you’ve ever done. All your wrongs, all your rights, the happy and the sad. But that’s not what I see. I saw everything I never got to do. All my missed opportunities. I look over to Jenna who is still watching me, she’s moved closer to the water’s edge. Probably to get a closer look at my jump. My final act. I hope she can see everything I’ve ever wanted to say to her. I hope my eyes tell my story. She tilts her head slightly and looks at me like she’s confused. Then her faces slowly lights up and she takes a step forward, a smile grows on her face. When I’m sure I have her full attention, I touch my fingers to my lips and blow the girl of my dreams a final kiss. I move my gaze away quickly. I don’t want to see what she thinks about that last kiss. I find Mia’s eyes, and she looks just as confused as Jenna looked a few seconds ago. But she’s not as patient.

  “Come on, Kyle, just jump already!” she shouts, sounding slightly annoyed.

  That thing people tell you about being twins and feeling each other feelings, that’s crap, but we can tell when something is wrong, maybe that’s just because we know each other so well. Mia senses something is off. She gets restless in the water and starts walking to the rocky shore.

  I take a step forward, my feet halfway over the edge. One quick look tells me Mike is already gone and waiting for me on the other side of the hill. I can only hope that one day I will be forgiven. The day I made this stupid decision, I never thought it would come to this. I never thought I would put my mom and Mia in danger. I never thought I would die.

  I close my eyes and jump.

  PRESENT DAY

  And that’s how I died.

  I’m a phantom, a ghost. I’m your worst nightmare.

  My name is Runner and I could tell you a story, but this isn’t a story.

  This is my life.

  BOUND BY BIRTH - SEPERATED BY CONSEQUENCE

  PART TWO

  ELEVEN MONTHS AFTER KYLE’S DEATH

  MIA

  I could tell you a story about love and sunshine and of all being right in the world. But I won’t, because that isn’t my story.

  My story is so sweet it will make your teeth rot. My story is so real it will make you believe in fairy tales. My story will rip your heart out and leave you bleeding all over the pages.

  Outcast, rebel, misfit, all those words applied to me. Until I met him.

  I fell in love once.

  All it took was seven days. Seven days and my heart turned, twisted, and thumped right next to his.

  But not all stories have a happy ending…

  Take a walk with me down memory lane

  It won’t be dull, it won’t be plain.

  Heed my warning – hear my plight,

  At the
end of this tunnel,

  THERE IS NO LIGHT!

  DAY ONE

  I thrust my leg into my favorite faded and most worn jeans. My toe catches on the tear at the knee. I yank it up and tear it to shit. Damn it! I don't have time to put on another pair or allow my heart the sadness it feels at losing one of my few wearable items of clothing. With a heavy sigh, I grab my shoes and backpack lying by my room door. I hobble along on one leg trying to put my shoes on as I go. Noises from the kitchen stop me in my tracks. I don’t want a run-in with Mom so early in the morning. If I keep my head down and walk straight past, she might not notice me. Fat chance. I look down and search in my hoodie pockets for my earphones. I pop them into my ears.

  “Mia-Jae, you are not going to school like that,” Mom’s voice catches up with me before I can turn up the volume. By that she means my torn jeans and oversized hoodie. Thankfully, she can't see my hair courtesy of the hoodie. I tuck the bright red strand falling into my eyes back behind my ears just in case. She'd probably change my face if she could. I tuck my chin down and walk faster. I'm almost at the door when I hear her throw something into the sink. It’s a glass, the sound of the pieces shattering cuts deep into my heart. I don't want to be a bitch—honestly, Mom deserves better—but I've got my own shit to deal with since college started again.

  I just wish this whole damn year was over already. I hate that damn place. I hate all the jock straps and bitch tramps roaming its passages. Isn’t it supposed to be better than high school? Aren’t they supposed to grow up? Our small town offers little in entertainment, so they get creative and make up bullshit stories to occupy their otherwise useless existence. I wish they’d all trip and fall mercilessly into the big hole representing our dusty little town. If you sneeze hard enough, you can find yourself clear across the wrong side of your intended destination.

  It’s a twenty minute walk to school. I turn it into ten with my half jog.

  I hate being the last to class. I don't need people staring at me anymore than they already do. And today my trusty jeans guarantee me a shining place right in the spotlight. Plus, spending time alone dawdling outside means DS might show. Yeah, not a good idea. I never know which side of my conscious might win. What normal almost-nineteen-year-old has voices screaming in her head? I'm practically dueling with two people in my head all the time. I call them Dark and Sanity. It’s also the name of the voice behind my poems. I never thought I'd be good at anything, until Kyle…I shake my head viciously, so not going back there. Memories are dangerous territory. Don't think I'm crazy, I'm not.

  I dig in my back pack for the last smoke I stashed inside before I walked home from the parlor last night. Thank goodness Alec lets me hang around there, otherwise I might have really lost my shit long ago.

  I slip around the corner from the front entrance of the school and light my smoke. There are still a few kids mulling around before class, chatting cozily in their little groups. I have exactly seven minutes before my first class starts. I take a deep drag, welcoming the toxic essence deep into my lungs before blowing it out slowly.

  My chipped black fingernails catch my eye, and I look down at my torn jeans. There's a huge gaping hole over my knee. Mentally I cringe, thinking of all the unwanted attention it’s going to get me.

  I'm still staring at my jeans when my cell starts that annoying beeping sound warning me my battery is flat. I pull my earphones out with a huff and turn off the music. No point in pushing it, it will only die on me.

  I turn my head in the direction of an unfamiliar truck coming to a stop a few feet away from me. Three guys climb out and wave to the driver before he drives off. Instinctively, I take a step back, deeper into the shadow of my little corner.

  I study the guys approaching the front stairs leading up to the building. From the smiles of the two in front, I can tell they are not from this campus. Not even a dud like me can miss smiles like those. Naughty smiles, promising mischief. From what I can see, both guys in front are good looking. Pitter-patter, my heart beats in my chest. The third guy walking slightly behind them has his hoodie pulled up over his head. Just like me. Pieces of pitch black hair fall across his forehead. His head is down, his eyes staring at the concrete as his black boots slap down on it.

  One of the guys in front looks around the front entrance to the school. Then his eyes land on me and he smiles. A full mega watt, I-caught-you-staring smile. My heart starts beating faster, and I swear it’s going to grow wings and blast its way right through my choked up throat.

  “Well, hello there,” the guy in front says in a creepy voice. Or at least I think he is trying to sound creepy. To me he just sounds too loud in my quiet space. I take another step back, pulling my sleeves over my hands. His friend next to him chuckles while eyeing me up and down. The first guy who spoke takes another step forward, peering around me into my corner. Pitter-patter, my heart flutters nervously. “Smokers’ corner?” he asks me, his lip tipping up on a grin. The move reveals a cute little dimple in his cheek. I shake my head and reach down for my backpack. The guy with the hoodie moves in next to me and lights a smoke. THUD, THUD, THUD, my heart fights my breast bone. I clutch my bag tighter; I don't trust people this close to me. I don’t know if the wind changes or if fate is playing a cruel trick on me. The air carries an intoxicating smell right to my frantic thudding heart. THUD, THUD, THUD. I imagine an open plain filled with wildlife. An unsuspecting prey and a predator lurking in the tall grass. I know I should run, but like the stupid prey in the wild, I stand frozen even though I smell the danger. Run, Mia! Sanity screams in my head. But Dark, loving the rush, keeps my feet planted to the earth. I choke on that thought for a second and risk a quick look at the guy in the hoodie to see if he saw my reaction, but his head is still down. He gives nothing away.

  “Well, Jase says it's now a smoking section. My name is Lewis and this is James,” the creepy-voice guy says while pointing to the smiling guy next to him. James is handsome enough, if you're into that baby face kinda look. He smiles at me, a smile that makes my skin warm. I haven't had a smile from a fellow student in months. That's probably the smile that makes the girls all giggling and putty. Now I know I'm defective. I want a refund on this life. It’s just not fair. I should be able to go giggly and puddle to the floor at the sight of a good-looking guy. I look back at Lewis. He is definitely the naughty one in the group. Probably egged a few houses and broke a couple of hearts along the way too. Wouldn't be too hard with those pretty blue eyes and dimples.

  “Jase, are you going to share?" Lewis asks the guy with the hoodie.

  Jase lifts his head. Holy vampires on a sugar diet, my knees buckle and my lungs collapse. I reach for my bag with shaky fingers and a malfunctioning heart not pumping enough blood to my brain. I miss the strap twice before I squeeze my eyes shut and take a deep breath. Please don’t let them see what a fumbling idiot I am. I sling my bag over my shoulder and almost knock myself in the back of the head. I push pass Lewis and James, mentally willing my jello legs forward. Great, Mia, that’s just great, now you’re late for class, Sanity screams in my head. For once, Dark keeps her mouth shut. I think she’s still in that corner drooling over Jase.

  I rush through the empty halls and come to a standstill in front of the closed door of my classroom. Shit! I lean my forehead against the rough surface of the off-white wall. I’m breathing back tears to the point of hyperventilation. What’s wrong with me? I should just skip this class, but I have no smokes and my phone is flat. What do I do for an hour until the next class starts?

  I hear the loud sound of male voices and turn to look down the empty passage. Lewis, James, and Jase are heading straight for me. Double shit! Please don't let them come this way. I notice Jase still has his head down, his hands tucked into his pockets. I suck a deep breath into my lungs and grab the door handle. In my rush to get inside, I push it too hard and the door cracks against the wall. I drop my head and feel my cheeks flame. I'm such an idiot. I rush towards my seat without looking u
p. I try my best to dig out my book without looking up at the amused snickers around me. Mr. Solomon starts saying something to me, but his attention is pulled away by the loud voice of Lewis announcing their arrival. I sink lower into my chair. As luck has it, there are only two open spaces left. The two at the table right in front of me. I chose this spot because nobody likes to sit in this section. That leaves the table in front of me open at all times.

  You have to crank your neck or turn your entire desk to see whatever is on the projection screen. Lewis grabs the extra chair next to Mr. Solomon’s table, leaving the old teacher scowling at his back. Lewis really is something else. He adds the extra chair to the end of their table. A few excited giggles reach my ears. No doubt the preppy princesses are scouting the new guys. Fresh meat and souls to suck dry. Girls can be so slutty. I wonder if anybody has seen what hides under the hoodie. Just thinking of those deep green eyes has my heart thudding loudly.

  Lewis slaps his hand down hard on my desk. The move makes me jump, and I glare at him, silently cursing him to the lowest circle of hell. He winks at me, and for a moment I'm lost. Not because of the move he is making but at his inability to recognize an outcast.

  “Don't mind him. He is a sucker for a pretty girl," James says throwing that smile at me again. I snort at him silently. Pretty? Me? Yeah right, maybe before never.

  “It doesn't seem fair that you know our names, but you haven't told us yours," James states in a quiet voice, but the cocky crook of his brow makes me believe he isn’t quite as innocent as he wants me to believe. Is he being serious right now? Why does he want to know my name? Then I see him winking at Lewis. And I realize I'm just a game to them. They don't look like the typical jock crap crowding these halls, but just because their jeans are torn and they have some leather, doesn't mean they are any different.