Guard My Heart Read online

  I poke Mia in the ribs, and she jumps. She almost slams me in the face with her head when she sits up wide awake. My sister is very ticklish.

  “Urgh,” she groans while stretching her arms over her head. “That’s not fair,” she says, slapping me on the arm.

  “Ow,” I say, over-exaggerating and rubbing my arm.

  “Wimp,” she shoots back playfully. “Oh look.” She points excitedly out the window to the ocean that’s now in full view.

  Jenna smiles at her and gives her a “duh” look. “That’s what we’ve been trying to tell you. We’re here,” Jenna says with a big smile on her face.

  The girls start chatting excitedly about rooms and hoping they get to be roommates, while I wish we could stay on the bus a little while longer. Just as that thought filters through my brain the bus turns left at a big board with the words “OceanPeak - Home of the falls” written on it. The bus crawls up the steep incline and through the boom gate. The noisy chatter in the bus gets louder as the excitement of the kids inside grows. Friends are waking up their friends who are still sleeping. Others are hanging out the window and pointing at the wooden bungalows. Big palm trees line the driveway, and just on the other side of the slope is a big grassy area with a sparkling Olympic size pool. This place is awesome.

  It’s a battle to get out of the bus. You have to fight to stay upright or these kids will trample you to death. Mia throws a scalding tongue lashing at the guys behind us, who are pushing us forward.

  “Hey guys, hang on. The place isn’t going to grow legs and run away,” I say to the group behind us.

  “Well hurry the fuck up, all the good bungalows are gonna be taken by the time your slow asses get off the bus,” Christopher Thorn throws back at me.

  I just laugh at him, because after the week I had, Christopher Thorn isn’t worth a rise in blood pressure. Mia throws him a withering look and raises her eyebrow at me as if to say “really, you are going to take that shit from him?” I shrug my shoulders and help Jenna down the bus stairs. I don’t want any of these assholes pushing her down. I grab Mia’s hand and pull her behind us until we are safely on the sidewalk and out of the stampede. The bus driver starts taking out the bags, and Mr. Rogers walks toward him with a clipboard. Everybody huddles around him grabbing bags and bouncing on the balls of their feet.

  Mr. Rogers starts reading the names of the roommates. We are sharing four per bungalow. The two bungalows numbered 1 and 10 are for the teachers. He gives us a big smile when he announces that. Meaning we will be surrounded by teachers. I suppose they have to make sure nobody sneaks out. But I’m sure some will still find a way. Nothing can come in the way of teenage hormones.

  I’m pulled from my thoughts of how I could sneak out to Jenna, not that I would, but if I wanted to, by my sister’s loud screech. She gets to room with Jenna and two other girls from our home room. They dash off in the direction of their bungalow. Bungalow number 5. They’re also the last group of girls to be called, and Mr. Rogers announces the boys next. I’m in bungalow 6 with Mark and two other guys I don’t really know except for the fact that they play chess with Mark. I’m cool with that. So I sling my backpack over my shoulder and head over to bungalow 6.

  The bungalows are nothing special inside. Four bunk beds. Two on each side of the room. Two cupboards with packing space and a rail to hang shit on. The only thing that catches my attention is the big window on the left. One set of stack beds is pushed next to it. So I throw my bag onto the top bed and pull myself up. This one is mine. I pull on the blinds, and they slide open, revealing the golden beach and crashing waves in the distance. I roll onto my side and tuck my hands under the pillow. If I can watch the sunset like this every day, I could die a happy man. That unbidden thought leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Waiting for death sucks. Is this how it feels to be sick? Knowing death is waiting to strike?

  “Kyle! Kyle? Come on,” Mia calls from the door. I flop over onto my back and press the heels of my palms into my eyes. I’m not in the mood for anything right now. I’d much rather lie here and watch the sunset alone.

  “Come on, Kyle,” she whines. “We want to watch the sunset from the beach.”

  I lift my head and look at her because that actually sounds like a good idea. Neither Mia nor I have ever been to the ocean, so this will be the first time we ever feel the grainy sand under our feet. I heft myself off the top bunk and land with a loud thud on the wooden floor.

  “Let’s go,” I say motioning for her to lead the way. Mia skips ahead of me and Jenna follows behind her.

  It’s not a long walk to the beach, maybe ten minutes tops. Mia points out everything we pass. She looks like a tour guide. Big yellow and pink hibiscus flowers. Proteas growing on an incline. All things that we can clearly see because it’s kind of hard to miss, but she still points them out with an “ooh” and an “ah”. A small reptile scurries over the foot path, and Mia jumps back, knocking Jenna into me. I steady her by grabbing her shoulder. Her thin white cardigan slips off her shoulder, and my hand moves up towards her neck. Her skin is smooth, soft, sun-kissed, and slightly moist from the humid air. She smiles up at me, her lips begging me to just have one taste. I’m very aware of my sister watching our every move. So I take the coward’s way out. I break eye contact, clear my throat, and turn her back around. I shove her lightly in the direction of the beach, keeping her back turned towards me. I don’t think I can take a repeat of that hurt look I saw in her front yard. Her shoulders droop slightly, and she walks forward slowly.

  Fuck it. The thought forms so fast in my brain I’m left feeling dizzy. I don’t know why I decide to do it, but I grab hold of Jenna and spin her around. Her big blue eyes go even wider, making her look even more innocent. She stares at me with hurt and confusion and something I haven’t seen in a long, long time. Hope. She wants me to kiss her, to own her, but that I’ve known for a long time. She’s hoping that this will finally be the time I realize I feel the same way. The thing is, I’ve known since I was a kid, when Mia and Jenna made mud cakes in our front yard, that I liked Jenna. The first time she smiled at me I knew she’d be my girlfriend one day. But I’ve never been able to convince myself that I’m worthy of her. Not sweet, innocent, beautiful Jenna. And now I’m even worse off. I’ve sold my life to someone else. I have a price to pay, and it will leave her heart broken. It will leave everyone I love scarred.

  I lean in and brush my lips over hers. Her breath rushes over my mouth and into my lungs. She was holding her breath. If only she could breathe new life into me. Just one more, I promise myself. One more and I will never touch her again. Jenna tangles her fingers in my hair and pulls me closer. My arms snake around her waist, and I close the space between us. Her body is soft and fits into mine like pieces of the same puzzle. My lips find hers, and she opens her mouth. Just a tiny movement and a spark. A buzzing zap combusts between us. My tongue sneaks past my teeth and caresses her bottom lip. A small whimper escapes her throat, and she crushes her mouth against mine. For a moment, both of us forget where we are. It’s a smashing duel of lips, teeth, and tongue. I can’t get enough of her taste. I was starving, and finally I get to taste this forbidden banquet. Jenna is the type of girl you kiss and never forget. She brands your soul and captures your heart.

  We both pull away breathless and shaking. One kiss and I’m ruined. Now I know. I know I love this girl. And I will never get a chance to show her.

  When sense finally returns to my brain, I realize two things. One: My annoying sister isn’t around and teasing us mercilessly. Two: We missed the sunset and little white lights now light the walkway. How long have we been standing here?

  Jenna is still staring at me like she’s been struck by lightning, and I get it, that was some first kiss. I can still feel her essence buzzing under my skin. I take her hand and hold it in mine, squeezing it gently. I lead us down the walkway. When we get to the bottom, Mia is sitting on the beach staring out at the vast expanse of black water. Her shoes are off, and h
er toes are digging into the sand. She turns her head when she hears us approaching and looks up at us with a smile on her face. Just a sweet smile, not an I-know-what-you-did-and-will-tease-you-about-it-later smile. I love my sister, and she’s not nearly as annoying as I make her out to be. Okay, well she really is, but that’s only because she has so much unhappiness in her life that when she gets a chance to laugh she takes it. And sometimes it pisses me off, but I get it.

  I don’t know how long we sat there, but eventually Jenna lays her head down on my lap and falls asleep. When my back starts cramping up, I lie back against the cool sand with my arms behind my head and stare up at the stars. My sister sighs softly, where she lies sleeping on Jenna’s stomach. We miss curfew, but no one comes looking for us, so we don’t bother going back. When the sun starts it’s lazily ascend into the heavens, coloring the sky in pink and light orange hues, I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

  THE BEGINNING OF THE END

  It’s an old cliché but it works. Because the moment I opened my eyes I was one step closer to death.

  I wake up to fresh sea air in my lungs and girly giggles in my ears. I sit up stiffly, surprised not to find any sea creatures stuck up my ass. My sister and Jenna are playing in the surf. They seem to be running toward the receding water and then running back up the beach when the wave goes out again. I can’t help but laugh at Mia when she waits too long and ends up looking like she’s competing in the 110 meter hurdles. Yes, she’s lifting her legs that high. I stand up and walk toward them, stripping my shirt off in the process.

  The freezing water engulfs my feet but I don’t mind. The way the receding wave sweeps the sand from under my feet intrigues me too much to be put off by a little cold water, and I walk in deeper. I don’t run back like the girls when the waves start coming back in. I stand and wait for it to crash around me. My jeans are soaked through in seconds. I don’t even want to know how I’m going to get rid of all the sand. I stand on my toes to keep the water below my waist. Big mistake. The next wave knocks me over, and I’m engulfed in water. I hold my breath and squeeze my eyes shut, in an attempt to keep the salty water out of my sockets. I can feel the water tugging me deeper. My lungs start burning. I kick my feet out in search of the bottom. For a few seconds, I can’t find it and panic sets it. That’s until my hand hits sand and I realize I’m floating sideways. I laugh at myself and maneuver my body until my feet are firmly lodged in the loose sand. My head breaks the surface, and I take a deep breath. I try to open my eyes, but the water burns it, and I squint toward the beach. I’m quite a ways out, and Mia and Jenna are standing on the beach, hands shielding their eyes, skimming the surface to look for me. I try walking towards them but the waves are too strong and the tide pushes me back out deeper. I’m an alright swimmer, and it shouldn’t be too difficult to get back, but after countless times of being pushed and pulled in the surf, my arms and legs burn with exertion. Every time I think I’m finally making headway, a bigger wave comes and pulls me back in. I’m breathing heavily and I’m getting tired. I can hear Mia calling me from the shore. Her voice is panicked and shrill. A big wave builds infront of me, and I swim towards the crest with all the strength I have left. I use the force of the wave to propel me forward and paddle for my life. The wave pushes me within meters of the shore. I thrust my legs out, and my feet find an even piece where I can walk to the shore. Mia and Jenna stand waiting for me. Mia looks kind of pissed, kind of relieved, but when I get to her, she bursts out laughing.

  “You look like a drowned rat!” she says, throwing my t-shirt at me.

  “I feel like a drowned rat. Remind me not to do that again,” I puff, wiping my face off with the shirt before I collapse knees first into the sand. How many near-death experiences am I going to have before I actually die?

  Jenna’s tummy rumbles loudly, and she slaps her hand down hard onto it. She giggles embarrassed and looks down.

  “Come on. Let’s feed that monster before it devours you alive,” I say while reaching out for her hand.

  Jenna flashes me a big smile and lays her hand softly in mine. The three of us walk up the pathway back to the bungalows with Mia leading and Jenna and I swinging our entwined hands between us.

  We do a quick rinse off under the outdoor showers and head for our rooms.

  When I get back to my room I check my phone.

  No miss calls, no texts.

  Maybe he changed his mind.

  ***

  Mr. Rogers was not happy with us staying out all night. I think he was sure we were out getting drunk on the beach, but seeing as none of us smelled of alcohol, he let it go.

  Breakfast was alright. We could choose between a selection of cereals, fruits, yoghurt, or real food like bacon, eggs, and toast.

  I gave the server lady a big smile, making sure she knew I was a growing boy with plenty of space for bacon and eggs. At first I didn’t think it was going to work, but when I took a step forward to go back to my table, she quickly waved me over and gave me two extra pieces. The grin I gave her after that actually made her blush.

  “Shame on you, Kyle Andrews,” Jenna scolded playfully when I sat down next to her.

  “What?” I feigned innocence.

  “Flirting shamelessly for extra food like that.”

  I shrug my shoulder. “Hey, it’s bacon after all. Don’t underestimate the lengths a guy would go to for bacon,” I say while nudging her playfully with my shoulder.

  She smiles at me shyly and lowers her gaze to her yoghurt and apple. I reach out for her hand and hold it on the table between us. After last night’s kiss, I just can’t seem to keep my hands off her. I know I’m leading both of us down a dangerous path. But maybe Reno changed his mind. I haven’t heard anything from him or Mike. I hope Mike read the note I slipped him, when I shook his hand at the library.

  Mr. Rogers announces that we have a trip to the falls after breakfast and everybody is supposed to bring their suits and hiking shoes. It sounds like a weird combination, but apparently the walk there is quite rocky. But he promises there will be some pretty awesome pools when we get there. This news seems to perk up quite a few of the students, and even I’m excited. Hiking, rock climbing, and swimming sound like a guy type of afternoon.

  I leave Mia and Jenna at their bungalow door with strict instructions from them to meet back there in ten minutes. I think they just want me to carry all their extra baggage up that hill. They’ve got a surprise coming.

  I put on my chucks, because that is the closest to any kind of hiking boots I have. My feet are going to be killing me by the time we get back. I pull my bag from the top bunk to hunt for my towel, and my phone tumbles down with it. I grab it with my one hand, but it slips through my fingers and tumbles to the floor with a loud crack. When I pick it up I see the screen is cracked. Shit. Great, I think to myself sarcastically. Then I see the flashing envelope in the corner of the screen.

  My heart stops. A slow buzz starts between my ears, and my breath speeds through my lungs. With trembling fingers I open the text.

  Unknown number.

  Blank text.

  He didn’t forget.

  I can’t remember much about the hike up to the falls. I saw the green of the trees out of the corner of my eye as I kept my head down and focused on my shoes. I heard Mia and Jenna talking, but didn’t care to understand the words. The wind carried tiny sprays of water and splattered them against my skin, but I just couldn’t bring myself to look at the rumbling falls in the distance. What is the use, it doesn’t mean anything to me. Nothing does, except why I got myself into this mess. My family. They matter, and in the end, this price would be worth it. I have to keep reminding myself why I’m doing this. I’m feeling a little selfish at the moment. They will mourn me. They will get over it. But me, what would happen to me?

  THE FINAL ACT

  “Come up with me,” Mia says, pulling on my arm.

  I lift my head and look at her standing over me. I’ve been lost in the dark c
loud of my brain all morning. The other kids are swimming and diving off the high rocks and into the pool at the bottom. It’s actually quite beautiful here.

  The falls are nestled into the side of a mountain. The water carving an age old path into the body of the vast rock. The water tumbles down the crooked path and collects in a deep pool at the bottom, surrounded by various rocks of all shapes. Some are flat and round and most of the girls are sunbathing on those. Other rocks are big with jagged protruding edges.

  Some of the guys are jumping off the cliffs and into the water. The school photographers are having a field day snapping pictures for our year end DVD.

  “Kyle, come on,” Mia says again, yanking on my arm harder. She wants me to jump off one of the lower cliffs with her. Trust my sister to want to be a daredevil today.

  I sit up and eye the flat cliff some of the more cautious guys are jumping off of. It’s not even high, maybe ten feet above the water surface. Mia could easily make the jump herself.

  “Mia, I’m not really in the mood to join you in a belly flop contest,” I say half-heartedly. I’m going to have to try harder than that to get out of it.

  “Are you scared?” she teases with a smirk.

  “I’m not scared,” I snort.

  “I dare you,” she says defiantly.

  Jenna laughs next to Mia and gives me an idea. “Take Jenna with you,” I offer.

  “Uh, no,” Jenna says holding up both her hands. “I want to live,” she adds shaking her head from side to side.

  I laugh and shake my head.

  “Kyle is a chicken,” Mia sings flapping her arms around. She looks like a deranged ostrich.

  I fear she might start clucking soon so I get off my ass and walk towards the rocks.