Guard My Heart Page 10

  “You’re such a klutz, you get that from me. I’m sorry for cursing you with two left feet. Have a good day at school, honey,” she says on a soft smile. She looks truly happy when I look up into her face; I have to smile back. I hug her back and swallow the remainder of my tears. I head out the door with my cupcake in my hand, bag over my shoulder. When I’m outside, I take a big bite of the cupcake. The pink icing is sweet and delicious and tastes like bubblegum.

  The rusty truck passes right by me, and I'm a little hurt that they didn't stop to give me a ride today. Then the reverse lights come on, and I swipe my fingers over my lips to make sure I don’t have any icing on my face.

  “Mia?” Lewis asks disbelieving. And then “Damn, you look mighty fine this morning,” he adds while he eyes my up and down.

  It feels good to get a compliment, and I walk over to them smiling brightly. Despite my discovery about Mom’s ring, I'm still happy. I don’t know how long it’s going to last. This is my first birthday without Kyle. I should be miserable, but I can’t let Mom’s effort to make this day happy go to waste.

  Before Lewis can open his door, Jase jumps off the back of the truck and takes my bag from me. He eyes my cupcake and I smile.

  “Do you want a bite? It’s really good,” I say, holding up the small piece that’s left. He smiles and moves closer to where I'm holding the piece out to him. His lips brush my fingers as they close around the soft, spongy goodness. I close my eyes and breathe out slowly. I'm sure I just died. My heart flutters wildly in my chest.

  “Come on, Mia,” Jase laughs, and I snap my eyes open. I pop my finger into my mouth and suck off the pink icing left on my fingers. Jase eyes me strangely. His intense green eyes holding my brown ones captive. There’s something in those eyes I haven’t seen before.

  Jase breaks the connection first, and my stomach sinks with disappointment. Then he climbs into the back of the truck and holds his hand out to me. I take it, grateful for the help. I'm wearing a skirt after all. And while Jase pulls me into the back, I’m sure I hear Lewis groan from the front. Jase lights a smoke and hands it to me. The wind is chilly through my thin jersey, and I move closer to the front of the truck, and he moves closer to me. He drops his arm around my shoulders. The smoke I'm exhaling catches in my throat when I feel the warm weight of his arm against the back of my neck. I cough loudly. Jase chuckles and settles me back next to him when my coughing fit subsides. I hand the cigarette to him and stare at my new boots.

  “Besides your deadly smoking habit, you eat cupcakes for breakfast? You’re not very health conscious, are you?” he asks, leaning closer to me. His warm breath tickles my cheek. I pull my sleeves over my hands and smile. If I had cupcakes for breakfast every day, I would be a very happy girl.

  “It's my birthday,” I whisper softly. I'm not sure why I said anything. At first I'm not sure he heard me, but then his finger slides under my chin, and he tilts my head up to look at him. THUD, THUD, THUD. My heart hammers in my chest. I swear his eyes swallow me and I fall, weightless and drifting into oblivion.

  “Happy birthday to you,” he says before his lips meet mine so soft, I sigh. Jase pulls away from me and smiles. “Today is going to be a good day,” he says more to himself than to me.

  When we stop in front of the school, Jase jumps out quickly. He pushes Lewis back into the truck with a stern look on his face. He lifts me off the side of the truck and turns me to face the guys sitting in front.

  “It's Mia’s birthday today. We should do something," he says.

  Although his body is turned toward Lewis and James, he is speaking to me. He is asking me but also telling me. I nod and smile at the guys.

  “I have something to do after school, but I’m okay with doing something,” I say. I try to straighten my face out but it’s no use. I'm grinning like a goof again.

  “Can I get a birthday kiss, Mia?” Lewis asks, opening his door. His dimples wink at me cheerfully. Jase slams his hand into the door, banging Lewis’s leg in between the door and the truck.

  “Ouch! What the fuck, Jase?” Lewis moans, rubbing his leg. My eyes dart between the two guys and James laughing loudly. What was that? Is it going to start a fight? Jase just lifts two fingers to his brow and salutes them before pulling me towards the school by my hand. I turn and wave at James and Lewis as they drive off. James is still laughing, but Lewis looks bitchy, not mad, just sulky. I laugh and shake my head. Once we hit the stairs leading up to school, I become very aware that I'm dressed different than my normal torn jeans, sneakers and hoodie. It also feels like the hand Jase is holding onto is on fire. I will be happily scorched alive. I'm not giving his hand up until he tells me to. He might let go of mine once we get inside the old grey building, so I’m treasuring every second.

  Snickers and whispers reach my ears as we walk up the stairs and down the corridor. Either Jase doesn't hear it, or he doesn't give a shit. I'm not so lucky to just tune them out, and my head whips to the side on a particular hurtful comment. I hate people talking behind my back. If you have shit to say, say it to my face where I can set you straight or kick your ass. I glare at Christopher Thorn and take a step in his direction, but Jase pulls me back. How is he still smiling? I flip Christopher off and follow Jase through the door of our first class. It’s English literature, and Jase sits down next to me, still holding my hand. Miss Hatwick is still absent and our assignment is on the board. One word is written in big, bold letters on the chalk-dusted, green board.

  HAPPINESS

  I look down at my fingers entwined with those of Jase’s and smile. HAPPINESS.

  Jase digs around inside my bag as if he does it every day and takes my writing pad and pen out, placing it on my desk. He doesn't let go of my hand as he takes his supplies out as well. The only problem is I'm right handed; I need the hand tucked safely into his to complete my assignment. Jase starts writing his name and the date on his page.

  JASE LYLE.

  He stops to look at me. I shrug and glance at our hands.

  “Looks like I'm writing for you,” he says calmly and writes his one sentence:

  Finding your reason in all the chaos.

  I repeat the sentence in my head, hoping that for once some ray of light will shine on me and make me that reason. My heart speeds up into a giddy gallop when I realize what that would mean for me. The thought makes me shift in my seat. He catches the movement, and I pretend to look at what he is doing. Jase studies my face for a second before turning to a new page on his writing pad. He writes my name and the date on a new page.

  “Mia-Jae Andrews,” I say when he only writes Mia on the page. I’m joking with him. I never use my full name.

  “Spell,” he says playfully but doesn’t wait for me to do so. “So Mia-Jae Andrews, what does happiness mean to you?” he asks.

  The silver ring in his lip glistens in the fluorescent lights when his lip curls up into that wicked grin. I’m distracted and staring at his mouth as I blurt out “cupcakes and happy birthday kisses” before my brain thinks my response through.

  Shit!

  Jase laughs and squeezes my hand. I blush and look down.

  “Please don't write that,” I plead softly.

  Jase stays quiet while I think. Today has been a great day. I can't think of a time I felt happier than this morning.

  “When you find the missing piece and everything fits,” I say softly, and I watch the ink flow from the pen he’s holding and onto the page. My words look so much more beautiful in his hand writing. Maybe I can get him to write all my poems. Dark will never win when I’m faced with those beautiful letters. I also realize how similar our answers are. I’m so happy at this moment. But I know Jase is hiding something. His eyes hold deep, dark shadows that threaten to pull anyone not strong enough under. I carry my own shadows around. I lock them away in the deep, dark corners of my mind. But they don’t stay there. How can I help Jase fight his demons when mine defeat me every day?

  Jase puts our stuff back into our bag
s and leads us to the front of the room when the TA dismisses class for the day. He comes to a stop a few feet outside the door. He places a soft kiss on the inside of my wrist. When he lets go of my hand for the first time since we climbed out of the truck, I immediately miss the feel of his strong fingers entwined with mine.

  “Stay happy, Mia,” he whispers. He turns around and starts walking to his next class.

  With Jase next to me, I felt safe, sheltered from the evil snarls of terrors that patrol these halls. Now I have to man up and face them myself. That's a bit more difficult without my normal battle gear on, but I take a deep breath and walk to my next class. Christopher Thorn and three of his buddies are standing in front of the door to the classroom.

  “Dressing up doesn't change that fact that you’re a skank. A tiger can’t change its spots,” he says as I shoulder my way in between them. I don’t bother pointing out that tigers don’t have spots. I don’t want to confuse the idiot. Instead, I flip him off and sink into my seat. Christopher was the guy who took me on my first date. We went for a movie and a milkshake. During the movie, he kept his arm around my shoulders. He smiled at me the whole time. He made silly jokes and kept me laughing. I was happy. I felt special. It was perfect. Christopher was the cool guy in high school. All the guys wanted to be him. All the girls wanted to be with him. The same old bullshit you have in every school. Christopher was Kyle’s friend and that’s how we met. After the milkshake, Christopher walked me home. We were holding hands, swinging them between us happily all the way back home. I was so damn excited for that first kiss. I was only sixteen, sixteen and stupid. I kept imaging how he would close his eyes and lean in to kiss me softly but passionately.

  When we stopped under the big old tree on the side of the house, my heart sped up and my palms felt clammy. When he kissed me, my lips felt all tingly. When he put his hand on the back of my thigh, I thought it was okay. When he moved his hand up my skirt, I asked him to stop; he didn't listen, just kept moving his hand higher. I threatened to scream, and he finally pushed me away before stalking down the street. I went straight to Kyle and told him what Christopher did. Maybe I overreacted. Like I said, I was sixteen, stupid and very dramatic. My first date was just botched.

  The next day at school, Kyle punched Christopher in the face. Christopher didn’t even look my way after that. Now that Kyle is gone, he’s started calling me names. Telling everybody I made up the story because I wanted more than one date and he wasn’t interested. He provokes me every chance he gets. I'm pretty sure he started the whole rumor mill about me and Mom selling sex.

  I sit dead still in my chair, ignoring the pieces of paper rocketing pass my head and onto my desk. When the insults don’t get a reaction from me, they start projecting little paper missiles at my hair and desk. I really hope that’s not what I think it is glistening on the little balls of mush. I count to ten and try to focus on what the teacher is saying.

  “Exams start on Tuesday. Don’t forget. Use the weekend to study. Class dismissed.”

  I grab my bag and make a beeline for the door. I have my break now and I really need a smoke.

  “I wonder who she had to swallow for the new clothes,” Christopher’s snarky voice calls from behind me. “I bet it was her stepdad,” he chuckles.

  That. Is. It! I've had it with this asshole! I spin around and head straight for him. I slam my palms into his chest with as much force as I can muster and spit my words at him, “You can’t compensate for a tiny dick with insults, Thorn!”

  Christopher grabs me by my hair and pulls me off him.

  “Don't touch me; I don't know where those hands have been,” he says. His words drip with disgust. The pull on my hair makes my eyes water and my blood boil. I kick at his legs, but I miss when he’s suddenly pulled away from me. Jase pushes Christopher against the wall.

  “Didn't your mother ever teach you that men who raise their hands to women lose them? Don't you ever touch her again!” Jase yells in his face.

  Christopher’s head thumps against the wall on every word. I grab Jase by the arm. If he gets kicked out, I'm left in this hell hole alone, again.

  “He isn't worth it, Jase,” I say to him softly. Trying to calm him down.

  “Fuck you, Mia, you worthless wh—” Christopher doesn't get to finish his sentence. Jase flings him down the passage like an old rag. Jase grabs my hand and leads us outside where he lights a smoke as soon as he sets his foot on the first step. His hands are shaking and he is breathing hard. I take his hand and I lead us to the parlor. When I try to pull him inside, he stops and swings his head from side to side. I let go of his hand and lean against the brick wall unsure of what to do.

  Jase starts pacing. His feet stomping the sidewalk angrily. He flicks a quick glance at me then looks away again. He paces some more. My eyes follow his every move. Up and down. Up and down, he walks. He finally stops in front of me. He takes out his packet of cigarettes and gives it to me. I light the cigarette but don't smoke it. I'm still watching Jase.

  “Are you okay? You didn't have to do that. Christopher is a dick,” I say. I have the sudden urge to rinse my mouth with battery acid. Both to rid my mouth of his name and for swearing like a sailor in front of Jase.

  “He'll be a dead dick if he ever touches you again.” Jase takes a deep breath then smiles at me. “It’s your birthday; no asshole talk,” he says and walks towards the door of the parlor. He holds the door open for me, and I walk in.

  Alec is at his station bent over a client’s arm. It looks like he is doing some kind of tribal tattoo. Livvy is sitting behind the front counter doing her nails.

  “Happy birthday, Mia!” she beams, handing me the same bottle of blue nail polish she was using a second ago. The top part has a small black bow tied to it.

  “Uh thanks, Liv,” I say putting the bottle into my bag.

  “I'm sorry for using it, but it’s such a nice color. I couldn't resist. I’ll make it up to you with coffee.” She smiles happily.

  “Sounds like a deal,” I say, laughing and following her to the kitchen. We make the five cups of coffee and load them onto the tray to bring back to the guys.

  “Happy birthday, baby girl!” Alec says, taking a cup from the tray. Livvy hands a cup to Jase.

  “Thanks, Alec,” I say, smiling back at him.

  I put the tray down on the counter. I can’t see the client Alec was busy with.

  “Your client done, Alec?” I ask.

  “Nope, he needed a break. He’s out back,” Alec says. I nod and pick up the coffee to take it to him.

  The guy Alec was working on is sitting with his back to me, staring out into nothing. His back and shoulder is exposed and his skin glistens a golden brown that makes me green with envy. My skin use to look like that. Until I started hiding it and my weakness under layers of clothes. I hate being this weak, but it’s either Dark’s way or six feet under, and Mom can’t lose another child.

  The guy turns his head toward me, and the sun catches on his copper-brown hair. Caramel-brown eyes smile up at me. This guy is friggin' gorgeous.

  “H-hi,” I stutter and try to smile at the same time. “I brought you some coffee.”

  “Ah thanks. I'm Aiden by the way,” he says, exposing two rows of perfect pearly whites. Yeah, he is definitely a hottie. I reach over to his extended hand and shake it while mumbling my name.

  Luckily for me, preppy boys aren't my type. I've just never been surrounded by so much hotness. On the one side, you have Jase in his black hoodie, radiating all this dangerous sexiness. I mean, where do you find a guy with pitch black hair, eyes greener and more beautiful than the most expensive emeralds? I can only imagine what he is hiding under all those clothes. No wonder he keeps his hoodie pulled up over his head. The girls probably tackle him to the ground when they get a face full. Or they would if they can get past that I'm-dangerous-and-not-in-the-mood-for-your-shit look of his. Oh god, and Lewis and James, those two naughty buggers with their I-know-what-you’re-thin
king-and-I'm-thinking-it-too-so-get-naked-already grins. I feel like the friggin’ ugly duckling between all these beautiful people. Aiden clears his throat and I drop his hand.

  I’m red-faced, I know it from the heat covering my ears. I held onto his hand all this time. I want to bang my head against a wall repeatedly. Maybe I’ll knock some sense into my scrambled brain. I reach inside my jean pocket for a smoke and take a few steps back before I light it.

  Jase is standing inside the back door looking at me. I watch him watching me. I can't place the look on his face. I smile at him, but he doesn’t smile back as he walks towards me and lights his own cigarette. The silence between us is thick and uncomfortable like it wants to strangle my lungs right alongside the nicotine flowing through it. I look at Jase from the corner of my eye. He doesn't look at me. Is he pissed? Did he see me staring into Aiden’s eyes while holding his hand like a silly little girl? Damn it! Surely Jase can see Aiden is not my type!

  “What is your type, Mia?” Jase asks.

  “Wh—What???” I stammer as my head whips to the side. Did I say that out loud?

  “Do you have a type, Mia?” Green eyes as hard as the jewel they resemble stare back at me. His stare bores into my soul, drilling closer to my heart, making the damn thing beat so hard I'm afraid it’s either going break out of my chest or explode and splatter all my secrets across my ribs.

  “You,” I blurt out. The aftermath of his stare is making my brain hazy and my thoughts unfiltered. Damn it, Mia! Friggin’ hell, can you just think before you say anything?

  An evil grin tips his lip up before he drops his head and crushes the smoking bud with his sneaker.